I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
