Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
