I think my vagina is haunted
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
