i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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