pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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