But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
