Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
