he thought i was a dude.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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