i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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