Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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