she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
