Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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