Your dad touched me again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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