You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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