The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
