Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
