My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
