he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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