Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
