so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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