I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
