Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I checked into jail on foursquare
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Someone came in the potted fern
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
