Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
