there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
