She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
