my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize