Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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