I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
