go do what you do best...puke behind churches
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
