I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
