I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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