He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
