Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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