And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I looked at my own cervix.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
