it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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