Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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