He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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