worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
