I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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