So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
