do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
