Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
