The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
