found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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