They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
