I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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