no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
