"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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