I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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