Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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