we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
