I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
