Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love having hate sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
