i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
