Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize