i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
