she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
