I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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