ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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