: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
