Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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