the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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