I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
