I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
