we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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